Wine Talk with Amber

  The masterpiece of you was created so perfectly… Your warm palette touched the souls of your loved ones. With every brush stroke created of you was a touch of humor that was irresistible. Oh how you’ll be missed. As we mourn with sadness that we can no longer see your physical presence, The mural of your memories will forever be hung on our walls, Bringing us a sense of comfort.  We know that you will be with us through the toughest of times. And when things seem unbearable,  We’ll think about the days that you made us laugh until our stomach’s hurt. Oh how you’ll be missed.

  The sky’s the limit is what they say- right? But I never imagined to reach these heights like this. I had come prepared to encounter the length of our flight with a carry-on of compassion. My luggage of love was packed. The window seat view to the seas of despair and the mountains of heartbreak surely wouldn’t stop us. The elevation of us would surpass it all. I knew that the turbulence of our love would be rough but we would make it through. You know… that cruise control button we so desperately yearned for would be pressed eventually. And the love would be easy. We would be sitting in first class enjoying the views of the of the sensual sunset. Drinking crisp champagne mixed with tender touches of celebration. The plush seats of my comfort within you would soon recline. The rise of my desire for you would be inevitable. And me for you. I could feel the anticipation screaming inside of me to reach the highest sights. What a feeling. Sadly, this is exactly that. A feeling. My lug...

So eloquently, you make me move. Each and every time, I fall. Caught in your web of lies. Deception. You’ve mastered the art of your subliminal manipulation. And even after I carefully analyze the screams inside my head, Telling me it’s just a trap, I still can’t help myself. Almost in a sense that I crave it. What’s the meaning of toxic? You and me. Everything about you is dangerous. Yet I retreat in you. I keep replaying the damage thus far between us in my head. Knowing what’s next to come. But, your spell draws me back in each time. Remember when you told me, that you two wouldn’t last? And you gave me the idea that we could try again. How could I have fluffed those pillows and lie back in your bed of deceit… Yet again. Now, I could make it seem like it was all on you. But here’s the part where I take accountability. Because, even in those sweet lies that you tell… I still know  you . Deeper than the visuals. And you’re a game I’m so desperately waiting to play. Because you see...

  What is there left to empathize when I’ve given you every part of me. I’ve given you every part of my existence. The happiness. The sorrow. The deepest parts of my death lie within you. I’ve given it all up. Empathy. Why should I be empathic to you? You’ve got it all. I can’t believe I let you have everything that comes with me. You see, you broke down barriers that I’ve worked so hard to build. I never wanted you to see me at my most vulnerable. I’ve shown you parts of me that even I didn’t want to see. My truth. My sexual depth. My traumas. And triggers. I’ve shown you who I am when I’m at my weakest. And when I’ve been at my highest. I’ve taken everything you’ve given me. And treated it like a rare feather. With care. And tenderness. Because I know what it’s like for someone to not know who you are. And even my purest intentions can be misconstrued. Damn. That hurt. I can’t lie. But you know what? Maybe you’re right. I don’t have empathy. Because where’s my empathy when someon...

The depth of you is too deep for me to wash away. My tongue wrapped around the vermillion border of your lips. I taste your skin. My hands caress against each pore of your face. Slowly streaking sensually along the ridges of your cheekbone and down to the core of your neck. Oh, I love the warmth of you. Our eyes meet and then mine gradually lock into the presence of your soul. Eyes sunken into a world of extreme darkness. I see beyond your chestnut pupils. I want all of you. I want to hear your sweet moans. Begging for me to release the grasp I have on your vitality. Gasping for air, but I’m not quite ready to unleash my grip yet. The light of your spirit captures me every time I gaze into your existence. The calmness of your love quivers down my spine. I can’t surrender the chills that overcome me when I’m with you. I won’t.  Let me become one with you. Smother you in the golden trimming of my tongue. We can take a walk in the tropical paradise of your sunset. My fingers enjoying ...

I thought you were  gonna  be my rock? I thought we would be able to hold each other on those bad days? You know those days when my hair doesn’t lay the right way… then I go into work and get yelled at for not meeting my deadline…  And then I forget my lunch on the countertop at home & have to buy lunch when I needed that money for the cable bill due the next day. I thought you were going to be there. I thought you would be there for those days when I didn’t need you to criticize me but instead I needed you to compliment my lipstick and the shoes I decided to wear to look pretty for you. Why weren’t you there?   Baby, I know I sound a little selfish but was I ever really taught to love? I’m trying to learn from you. I wasn’t shown the correct way to love.  But is there really even a correct way? All I know is the way that I know. All you know is the way that you know. I thought you were going to be there to teach me your way. Teach me how you want to be love...

  What happened to big round noses?  And cellulite? Why does every strand of hair on my legs need to be stripped before I can lay with you? What happened to messy ponytails and microwaveable pizza? Why can’t I bask in your love without first watching countless hours of makeup and hair tutorials to look like an Instagram model? I want to indulge in the sweat under your arms, and the burnt “just because” cookies that you made for me. When did the world get so shallow?  When has it not been okay for someone to make a mistake? I crave.... I crave a friend who’s not perfect. A soulmate with a bit of soul.... I crave the attention of someone who’s not just looking for mediocrity. You know? Someone who doesn’t just take photos to show the world that we have the latest designer wear. I crave someone who can really speak to me and accept me for my flaws. I’m not looking for a social media life. I’m looking for someone who is going to find purpose in me and all that I come with. I’...